Men - they don’t have feelings, right?

As a man, I’ve grown up with the notion that I need to be strong, both emotionally and physically. Phrases like “just pull your socks up, get on with it”; “ grow up and deal with it” have always been commonplace.

But the notion that men don’t have feelings? Well that’s just wrong, isn’t it? Just like women – actually, make that all living beings – men suffer from stress, anxiety and depression. And, just like all those other living beings, we find these things hard to deal with. I believe it’s time we started to accept and embrace the fact that men have feelings, because denying it only serves to make matters worse.

Lifelong challenges. 

I’ve suffered from various issues for most of my life. I’ve always felt ‘different’, and have found it hard to deal with my emotions. I’ve been anxious, overplayed things in my mind, and gone down rabbit holes of negative thoughts. I recently heard the expression ‘bees buzzing in my head making a whole heap of noise’, and it rang pretty true to me! Will all of this ‘stuff’ ever go away? Probably not. But I’m coming to terms with it, and gaining tools and techniques so I can deal with it better.

A route to personal development.

Does experiencing challenges with my mental health make me a lesser man, as the rules of society would have me believe? I’d say no. In fact I’d actually argue that, by seeking support in the form of books, podcasts, videos and articles, I’m focusing on my development and growing as a person. And it’s personal development that I probably wouldn’t have undertaken if I always felt content and 100% ‘happy’.

You see, for me, ‘personal development’ isn’t about getting a Masters or a PhD. It’s about learning new techniques, and putting theories into practice so I can get myself into a happier place and deal with difficult situations a little bit better each time. Does everything I try stick? No. Do I kick myself when I forget bits? Yes I do. But I remind myself that giving myself a hard time isn’t helping anything – then I pick myself back up, and get back to it. 

Doing it alone or seeking help?

I’ve tried both approaches – and it kind of depends what I’m going through at the given moment. Whether I’ve used self-help resources or a therapist though, the most important thing has been finding the right person or voice for me. What’s more, I’ve found their approach has to sit right with your beliefs and emotions. If you don’t fit, and nothing resonates, it will be harder to move forward. But I strongly believe that you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for seeking help – and you won’t regret it once you do.

Working with professionals.

I’m currently working with a psychotherapist once a week. We’re delving into the Pandora’s Box of my childhood, and seeing how this has shaped my feelings and emotions. Why am I working with them? Around three years ago, I was told I ‘probably had ADHD’ and possibly Aspergers. It wasn’t a great point in my life, but I recently decided to look into it further, and now have an official ADHD diagnosis; I’m still waiting to hear the verdict regarding Autism or Aspergers. 

As an adult, it’s been a lot to take in, and that’s why I sought out professional help. Because bottling it up or sweeping it under the carpet wouldn’t make it go away. I know, because I’ve done that before and it’s not been pretty! And now that I have this new information about myself, it actually makes sense of a lot of things I’ve experienced in the past. So I need to work through – and come to terms with – how I’m feeling.

Strength in knowledge.

We live in a world that’s constantly evolving, bringing with it new and increasingly complex situations, which make it even harder to understand our own feelings. 

I would like to ask my fellow males to drop the ego and societal baggage, and to go out and seek help and guidance when you need it. It won’t make you ‘less of a man’, and will in fact help you deal with your emotions, fears and issues, so you feel happier and healthier, both mentally and physically. You may even find yourself building new relationships – after all, positive vibes are infectious! And by acknowledging your own ‘weaknesses’, you can come out of it a stronger man.

A final word.

If you’ve experienced anything I’ve covered in this article, I really hope my words have helped. I’ll be writing more for Gardens in the future, and may well return to the subject of my ADHD. But if you have things you’d like advice with, reach out to the team at Rest by Gardens, as they really are great folks!

‍